Here comes the - what?
by MsDaHedgehog
Summary: Jac is heartbroken over recent events with Jonny, and with Jonny and Bonnies upcoming wedding, will Janny realise that they're destined to be together?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- This is my first ever fanfic.. feel free to review and share ideas :)**

* * *

Standing at her patients bed, Jac Naylor could hear the whole conversation coming from the nurses station. Bonnie Wallis gloating about her impending nuptials to Jonny. _Her _Jonny. How could she have been so stupid? Pushing him away. But.. hadn't he accepted her offer to move in together? Hadn't he smiled and taken her keys? Had her instant dislike to over-happy nurse really been their downfall? Now he's with little miss sunshine and planning their wedding. Now there's no going back…

"… And, because of Emma still being so fragile after her op and she's still recovering you know, we've decided to have the wedding here at Holby. I know Jonny would have loved to have the wedding in Scotland but we think it would be better for Emma if we had it here. Jonny's going to still wear a kilt of course, just because we're not having the wedding in Scotland doesn't mean we're not following tradition. We even have caterers coming dow-"

She couldn't stand this. How _dare_ she talk about her daughter. Talking about her condition to anyone and everyone. That's _her_ daughter. Hers and Jonnys daughter. _Jonny_. The very thought of his names still causes the rare warmth in her chest. Finishing with her patient, she marches to the nurses station, stopping just behind the gossiping nurses.

".. My dress is just beautiful, stunning even. I've begged Jonny to convince the Ice Queen to let Emma be a bridesmaid. I have a gorgeous little dress for her. But I doubt that bitch will allow –"

"When you've quite finished," Jac allowed herself a moment a savour the pure looks of terror coming from the nurses in front of her before continuing. "I would like to remind you that, whilst it must be fun listening to Nurse Wallis blabbering on about a day that, may I add, most of you haven't been invited to, you all have jobs to do. If you would like me to go to Mr Hanssen and inform him that most of his Darwin staff would rather sit around doing nothing, I'm sure he would be more than happy to replace you." The combination of tone and one of the Ice Queens famous stares was enough to send all nurses, except for Bonnie, running. She, however, remained where she was. Glaring at Jac, she slowly stood and moved towards the fiery consultant. Neither of them noticing Professor Hope approaching.

"Can't help yourself can you Jac? Have to state your authority don't you? Got all the staff running for the hills and breaking the heart of your baby's father by not letting her come to his wedding. Can't stand it when someone's happy. Or is it jealousy? Are you jealous because he chose me and not you?" Now angry, Bonnie toed her way further towards Jac, being sure to keep her voice low as to avoid attracting attention. "You're a horrible woman Jac Naylor, and I'll be glad when I finally have Jonny away from you. We're leaving Holby after the wedding. Not straight after, but not long. He'll see Emma on weekends and she'll stay over but the more I can keep him away from you, the better."

Elliot, having heard Bonnies words, turned to find his consultant friend standing stock still with anger. Not recalling ever seeing Jac this angry he decided the best thing to do was to try and defuse the situation. "Jac, there you are, I've been looking for you. I wanted your opinion with a patient of mine. I'm seeing something on her scans and I'm almost certain I've got it right but a second opinion can't hurt can it? … Jac?" Stepping in front of her now their eyes come in contact. She nods stiffly and walks towards their office, head down as tears threaten to fall. Bonnie, who has plastered a look of smugness on her face tries to slip away, however, if she thinks she's getting away easily, she is very much mistaken.

"Nurse Wallis, if I _ever_ find or hear of you speaking to a senior member of staff, whether it be Miss Naylor or another, like that ever again, I will not only ensure your transfer to a different ward, I will make sure that ward be in a different hospital. Do I make myself clear?" Leaving her standing there mouth gaping, he follows Jac into their office.


	2. Chapter 2

"Suction. Brilliant. We'll leave you to close whilst we inform her family."

Mo and Jonny left theatre and headed to wash up. Jonny, who whilst having a silent mental argument over Jac, was unintentionally ignoring his best friend.

"Jonny Mac, you listening?" questions Mo. She'd grown worried and a little annoyed over her best friend in recent weeks. Since the start of his relationship with Bonnie, he'd become distant. She'd barely been able to have two minutes alone with him. Bonnie was _always_ there, looking over his shoulder, appearing around corners, there was nowhere that Jonny went that she wasn't. Nowhere except theatre. Growing increasingly fed up with him seeming oblivious to her presence, she finally snaps and confronts him.

"Jonny Mac I have been your best friend for years. Years. All you've done for the last few months is allowed yourself to become isolated. We've barely spoken to each other let alone have a drink together. Ever since you got with Bonnie, you haven't had time for anyone else. Even now you can't be bothered to listen to me." She stands there at the sink waiting for him to reply. She starts to count and when she hits 30, she's actually surprised when he finally turns to her.

"Well?" she asks, arms folded. In that moment he is reminded so much of Jac he almost smiles. But he doesn't. Instead, he stares at Mo with a strange expression. Almost as if he's in pain…

"Mo…" his voice almost cracks from internal pressure. "This is so much more complicated than it should have been. Albies tonight? Bonnie's on a double so she won't invite herself. Meet me after our shift ends… Please?"

She studies him for a moment. She thinks for a minute, searching in her memory, trying to recall a time where he'd been like this before. She was shocked to realise that, in all the time she'd known him, he'd never been like this in the past.

"Fine. 6 in Albies. But Jonny Mac, if Bonnie somehow shows up, you send her away. She's quite clearly part of this problem and quite frankly I don't want her ruining the only time we'll probably spend together before you're married. Oh, and you're buying. Okay?"

He nods and gives her a small smile. "Okay, thanks Mo. I promise I'll explain everything. Are you okay to speak to Angela's family? I want to see Emma on my break; she's in the crèche today."

* * *

"Jonny, hi." He was greeted at the door by one of the nursery nurses. He scanned the place quickly, making sure Jac hadn't had the same idea as him, or Bonnie for that matter, he wanted some time alone with his daughter.

"Afternoon Sarah. How's my wee one?"

"She's doing just fine. Having a nap at the moment though, she's teething and has had some calpol, so it's probably best not to wake her." She can tell this is news to him. She knows he and Miss Naylor are not particularly close at the moment but she would have thought that they would discuss everything to do with Emma. Obviously she was mistaken…

"Aye, that's okay. I'll just have a wee peek. I'm due back on the ward anyway in five minutes." He sneaks to his sleeping daughter, cuddled in her pram, snuggling her yellow blanket, silky side up he noticed. Blowing her a kiss he leaves, throwing a thank you to Sarah as he passes. Sarah, following Jacs orders, gives a call to consultant to inform her of Jonnys visit – without Nurse Wallis.

"Hello Miss Naylor? It's Sarah down at the crèche." She can hear the worry in the consultants voice. "No, everything is fine with Emma, she's had some calpol and she's sleeping." Listening to Jacs question, she rolls her eyes, does this woman think she can't do her job? "Yes, her blanket is silky side up. Well, you asked me to inform you if Nurse Maconie comes down. He popped down quickly and left about two minutes ago. No, Nurse Wallis wasn't with him." She hears the sigh of relief. Just what was going on? "Yes, I'll keep you posted if he comes down again. Okay, well Emma will see you about four then. Bye." She hangs up, just as Emma wakes from an unusually short nap.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been half an hour since the confrontation between Bonnie and Jac. Once they were both in the office, Elliot had tried to talk to her, but she was just as closed off as ever.

"Jac? Would you like a doughnut? It's always good to talk things out whilst enjoying a sugar filled treat." He looks over to her hopefully. The tears that had built in her eyes had evaporated but she was still filled with anger. Since having Emma, Jac had become somewhat softer; it was almost as if that tiny little girl had created a whole new side to Jac, which she reserved solely for her daughter. What Jac didn't know was that Elliot had seen this side to her down at NICU on a few occasions. He had kept in the shadows so not to disturb the new mother. His heart had crumbled into a million pieces watching her stood over the plastic crib which her baby laid covered in wires. Ever since she had cried into his shoulder that fateful day, he knew she had felt responsible for Emma having CDH, but that was of course impossible. He had wanted to take the pain away from her but he couldn't. He also knew that her having to see Nurses Maconie and Wallis day in, day out flaunting their relationship in her face was incredibly difficult. She would never admit it, but she was still in love with Jonny.

The sound of Jacs mobile ringing brought him back from his thoughts. He observed her for a second whilst she looked for her phone, she wasn't quite right but he knew not to pry. She had found her phone now and now she had a new expression on her face - worry. He decided it was best to leave the office and give her some space. As he passed her desk he thought that she could do with a good break, so he grabbed her patient files, left and because she was in conversation with whoever was on the phone, she couldn't stop him.

"Jac Naylor speaking... What, what is it? Is everything okay with Emma?" She lets out the breath she didn't realise she was holding. "Well, does she have her blanket?" She demanded of the nursery nurse, getting a little annoyed, as the woman had obviously called for some other reason that was not as important as her daughter. "Well what do you want then? ... Was Nurse Wallis with him? ... Good. Just inform me if he comes down again. I'll be down after my shift." She hangs up. So, Jonny had finally found the time to see his daughter alone. She should be getting round to checking on her patients, but seeing as Elliot was taking care of that, she decided to take a walk downstairs and get a coffee. As she left her office she noticed Jonny talking to Sacha. Why Sacha was up here she didn't know, so, she decided to find out.

With the pretense of discovering where Elliot was, she approached her best friend and the nurse. Sacha grinned as soon as he saw her but she did not know what to make of Jonny's expression. He looked… almost happy to see her and his eyes were twinkling. Really, did she, Jac Naylor the Ice Queen, just use the word twinkling in her head? Honestly.

"Two things: firstly, what the hell are you doing on my ward Levy? And second, have you seen Elliot? He's decided to run off with my patient files while I was on the phone to the crèche." Sacha just laughed but Jonny was full of questions.

"Is Emma alright? Why didn't you tell me she'd started teething Jac?" Jonny asks of the consultant, clearly annoyed. "She's my daughter to and I want to be involved. You need to tell me things like this."

"Well nurse Maconie, if you bothered to read you texts, you would know that our daughter started teething last week." Instead of looking at him, she was fiddling with her phone. After about twenty seconds, she holds it up to him to read. Confused, he steps closer to take the device and stares disbelievingly at the screen. There, in plain text as clear as day, was proof that Jac had indeed informed him that Emma was teething. Taking out his own phone, he searched for that text, but he couldn't find it. "I don't have it… Maybe I deleted it by accident, sorry Jac…"

Jac had her own theory as to why that text was deleted but she didn't quite fancy arguing with her former partner, in the middle of Darwin, about Bonnie. Instead, she turned her attention back to Sacha.

"So Levy, what brings you to my ward? If it's nothing remotely important, stop bothering my staff and disappear back to AAU." Although she knew she had been downright rude, she shoots a small smile at her friend. Knowing her as well as he did, he doesn't take it personally and returns her smile.

"Ah Jac, as much as I would love to say I'm here for your charming personality I cannot. I'm in fact in search of a nurse or two, we're five done with a huge backlog of patients so I'm going to all the wards seeing if anyone can be spared.

Jac glances at Jonny who was holding the ward rota. "Well nurse Maconie, can we spare anybody to send down to the fiery depths of hell?" Her comments make Sacha chuckle.

He reluctantly hands her the piece of paper. After having a thorough read, her lips show the resemblance of a smile. He knows exactly what she's going to do, and even though it would mean some peace, he couldn't help but be a little pissed off at how malicious she could be.

"Well, I can see we can spare Nurse Wallis for the remainder of the day. Maconie, how about you run along and tell her she'll be on AAU until she's needed back up here for her double?" She smiled an oh so sweet smile, pure glee in her eyes as she handed him back the rota. He was not happy. Now he had to face his fiancé and tell her she was changing wards for the next five hours. Oh she would not be happy.

"I think we need to have a wee chat when I come back Jac. This is getting out of hand."

As Jonny walked away, Jac couldn't help feeling a little guilty for the way she had spoken to him and she could tell Sacha was disappointed with her. "Don't look at me like that Sacha. He hasn't been holding up to his responsibilities as a father because of that jumped-up nurse and this is a way of punishing them both. You have no idea of the way she spoke to me this morning; I want her off my ward."

"What did she say Jac?" Concern laced his eyes, but of course she wouldn't tell him, he should have known better than to ask her.

"Nothing Sacha, I'm going to get a coffee and sit in the peace garden for a while. Do _not_ tell Jonny where I've gone." She stalked off towards the stairs before he could reply. He may not have agreed with her in the past with the way she goes about dealing with things, but this time, she obviously had her reasons.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I realised after writing this that Jonny would have had a say in Bonnie changing wards - he's clinical nurse manager. So, for the sake of me having to change this chapter, just pretend he never got that promotion :)**

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As Jonny walked away from the nurses' station, he contemplated handing over responsibility of giving Bonnie her temporary reassignment to someone else. He wasn't able to make that decision however, as none other than his blushing bride to be stepped in front of him.

"Jonny! There you are, I've been looking for you. I'm just about to go on my break, care to join me?" She smiled brightly at him. When she had first come back into his life, her smiles used to turn his stomach into knots and make his heart do cartwheels, now... they barely did anything for him. He wandered if he truly did love her enough to marry her. Sure he loved her, but he just wasn't sure anymore if that was as his friend, or his lover.

"Ah no can Bonnie and I'm afraid neither can you. You're n-"

"Oh, whisking me away for a quick lunch are you? Great, I'll just go and get my bag." She turned with the intention of heading to the locker room.

"What? No, Bonnie, wait." He catches her arm and turns her back round. "I'm sorry Bonnie, but that's not what I was going to say. You're needed on AAU for a few hours, they're short staffed and they need any nurses that can be spared, and you've been chosen."

"Make one of the other nurses go. I don't want to work down there. I want to stay up here, with you. Surely I can't be spared?"

"Bonnie, you know if it were up to me, somebody else would be going, not you. But it's not, and it's already been authorised so Sacha's waiting for you at the nurses' station."

Fuming, Bonnie stood rooted to the spot. "And who exactly authorised this?" She spits at him. Thinking it has been Elliot acting on his earlier promise, she makes a mental note to make him pay in some way. What had she done now? She hadn't seen any senior consultants since he'd threatened her. Maybe Jac had convinced him... Oh now she will pay. Jonny's reply momentarily halts her mental master plan.

"Jac. Jac's the one who has said you have to go." He says regretfully. Now there's going to be trouble. "But Bonnie, don't go making this out to be a big deal, okay? Just go down there and when you come back up here for you double, just think of it as you've gotten five free hours away from her, yeah?"

"Oh, come off it Maconie, of course I'm going to make a big deal out of this. She's doing it on purpose! She's just going to try and use my time away to dig her claws back into you. To drive a wedge between us like she's been trying to do since we got together. I wouldn't be surprised if she uses Emma as leverage, you know she will."

"Jac may be a lot of things but she not one of those mothers who uses her child to win an argument. Bonnie, I will not let Jac come between us but at the same time, I will not let you disobey a direct order from a senior member of staff on this ward. You'll create more trouble for yourself that way. Please just let us go to Sacha and get you down to AAU. Besides, we have to keep Jac sweet if we want her to allow Emma to be a bridesmaid." He looks willingly to his finance. He didn't like arguing with her but sometimes she could be just as difficult as Jac. How could he have possibly ended up between two of the most stubborn women he had ever met?

"Fine, Jonny, I'll be nice, only because I love you. But when are you going to realise that she is actually uses Emma against you?" As she walked away, she decides to turn back and face him once more. "You know, sometimes I really believe Emma would be better off living with us... At least then it wouldn't be a fight for her to be at our wedding."

What the hell was he supposed to say now? He knew that no matter how much he and Jac argued he would never take Emma away from her, not unless she was in danger. Bonnie knew this to, how dare she even suggest it. But the more he stood there the more thought about how difficult Jac had been making it for him. Whenever she gave him a time to see Emma it always coincided with when he was with Bonnie - then again, when wasn't he with her? Of course he saw Emma as much as he could without ruining things with Bonnie; Jac didn't exactly make it possible for Bonnie to be included most of the time. He was so confused. Maybe he should just put all this aside and discuss it with Mo later. Yeah, that's what he'll do. With that decided, he practically runs to catch up to Bonnie.

Sacha is still waiting for them at the nurses' station. Only now he was sitting on a chair, slowly spinning himself around to kill time. Jac, much to the dismay of Jonny, was nowhere around. "Here she is, now take good care of her for us, I want her back up here at half five." He smiled at both of them and Sacha smiled back, but Bonnie just glares at him.

"Right, Nurse Wallis, ready to tackle the hoard of patients?" She nodded and waits for him to leave with her. Sensing he wouldn't be getting a minute to talk to Jonny alone, he stands to shake the nurses' hand, secretly slipping a piece of paper in his palm. Jonny looks as him slightly confused, as does Bonnie, though she's unaware of the note. Sacha doesn't usually shake hands with his friends. Placing a hand on Bonnies shoulder, Sacha guides her towards the lift, leaving Jonny to read the note in his hand.

_Jonny, Jac has gone down to the peace garden but she doesn't you to know, so don't let her know told you. There's something not right with her. She let slip that Bonnie had said or done something to upset her this morning and then she pretend nothing happened. You know Jac; she doesn't get upset over just anything, Talk to her, but be prepared for her to still be a closed book. Sacha._

He wasn't quite sure what to make of this. Bonnie had upset Jac? She hadn't said anything to him. Jac looked the same as she always did, but then again it was in her nature to have no visible emotions. He didn't know what to do, but he did know he needed to talk to her about Emma. He's due a break in two minutes. No one will notice if he slips away early. He grabs his jacket from the locker room and heads downstairs.


	5. Chapter 5

Jac was seated on the hidden bench in the peace garden, hoping the bushes would obscure her from view as she sipped her scalding coffee. She loved the peace garden, it was one of only two places she could actually go to think, the other being a secluded outdoor staircase on the roof. She would have gone to the roof but she thought there was far too much wind to be standing on the hospital roof. As she sat there she went over and over the incident with Bonnie and the nurses words to her. The nurse hadn't said anything particularly offensive; she had been called _far_ worse than '_horrible_'. No, what had hurt was what Bonnie had said about Jonny. Listening to the words, Jac had been shocked to realise that she was feeling guilty for making it hard for him, but at the same time she sure as hell wasn't going to make it easy for Little Miss Sunshine to push her way even further into Emma's life.

She'd been sitting in the same spot for nearly twenty minutes, her coffee had lost its warmth but she was still clutching it. She should really go and find Elliot and get her files back, she really appreciated what he'd done for her today, and she'd needed the time to think things over. Tomorrow, she'll bring him a box of twelve doughnuts to make up for it.

The familiar bleep of her phone indicating a new email in her work account brings her back to reality. Thinking it would be better to check rather than ignore it, she pulls out her phone to discover the email was from Henrik Hanssen, CEO of Holby City Hospital, and her boss.

_**To: Jacqueline Naylor**_

_**From: Henrik Hanssen**_

_**Miss Naylor,**_

_**Could you kindly report to my office as soon as possible, I have a matter I need to discuss with you urgently.**_

_**Henrik Hanssen**_

_**CEO, Holby City Hospital**_

Sighing to herself, she places her phone back in her pocket. Standing, she takes a gulp of coffee, only to spit it straight back out. Wiping her mouth she makes her way back into the hospital, dumping the quarter-filled cup of stone cold liquid in a nearby bin. Just as she enters the lift and the doors close behind her, Jonny comes through the door to the stairwell. With the intention of finding Jac, he heads towards the now empty peace garden.

* * *

When he's sure she's no longer there, he kicks one of the benches. She's supposed to be there. He checks his watch, it had only been twenty odd minutes since he'd last seen her and he knows that regardless of her having not patients to see, she would be on a break now, no reason for her to move. Sitting down, head in his hands, he tries to make sense of everything. Finally he texts Jac, hoping that she'll respond.

* * *

_**Jac, please, we need to talk. I'll be in the peace garden till I'm due back on the ward. There are things we need to talk about.**_

She had waited to leave the over-crowed lift before checking her phone for the text message she'd received, and she's glad she did. As soon as she'd finished reading Jonnys text she'd swore out loud. Why couldn't he just leave her alone for one day? As much as she still loved and cared for the nurse, she couldn't stand his lack of common sense. When Jac Naylor didn't want to talk, she wouldn't and you couldn't make her. Everyone knew this, Jonny probably knew this better than anyone, it was one of the major reasons for their breaking up. Why wouldn't he just let up? It would all be easier if he just stopped.

There was no need to knock when she reached Hanssen's office; he was standing outside talking to Serena Campbell. She stands back a little so they can finish their conversation. She waited no longer than two minutes before Serena left, presumably to go back to Keller, and Hanssen beckoned her into his office.

He gestured towards the chair in front of his desk as he closed the door behind her. Once they were both seated, he turned his attention to his computer screen and started speaking.

"Right, Miss Naylor, I'm sorry for calling you up here at such short notice, I appreciate you responding promptly. I do hope I'm not keeping you from anything particularly important?"

"Nothing that won't keep."

"Glad to hear it. As I'm sure you're aware the board has arranged for a large variety of consultants and surgeons from across the country to go on a European conference. As one of England's leading Cardiothoracic Consultants with a rather broad surgical skill base, the board is quite insistent that you attend, as am I. Of course we take into account your situation with Emma, I trust she's doing well?" There was no real concern to his question and Jac knew that. She couldn't help but be a little excited at the prospect of the conference. She suspected that it wouldn't be longer than a week. It would do her good to get away from Holby.

"She's doing fine. Still not as strong as she should be but she's strong enough. How long would the conference be, a week? I'll need to get the all clear from Dr. Solis but I think it will be okay."

"A week? Miss Naylor I'm sorry, I should have said, the conference is for almost four weeks, twenty-seven days to be exact. I will make sure arrangements are made for yourself and your daughter, the board is willing to pay to fly and accommodate your chosen nanny, all in aid of _you_ being at that conference."

This was a very big decision for Jac; there was Jonny for one – there's no way he would agree to this. She wanted to go, Jac wanted the further her career as much as she could, but there's no way she would do that at the expense of her child. Emma's health is _far_ more important than going on a month long conference.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hanssen, but Emma's far too fragile to take her out of the country and I'm not risking it. I doubt Dr. Solis will give her the all clear. You'll have to tell the board I'm not interested."

Jac was proud of herself for saying no. Before she had Emma she would have said yes at anything. Emma was changing her as a person, as she was starting to like it. Now she was actually considering other people before making a decision, she was starting to be proud of herself for that.

"I'm sorry to hear that Miss Naylor. You do, however, have a week to decide and I hope you will consider every aspect of this opportunity before making your decision. Please close the door behind you when you leave."

She left the office and lent against the wall. She couldn't do that to Emma, she didn't want to jeopardize her daughters' recovery for anything. It was hard to admit it but she didn't want to leave and not see Jonny for a month, let alone keep Emma away from him, that wasn't fair. She couldn't do it, she wouldn't do it, but maybe she should just talk to Jonny, mention it, and reaffirm that she's doing the right thing…

Moving towards the lift, she takes out her phone and dials Jonnys number. He answers almost instantly.

"Maconie. Peace garden, two minutes, I'm ready to talk." She hangs up before he's able to speak. She's not looking forward to this but it has to be done. Pressing the down button, the doors close, taking her to Jonny.


	6. Chapter 6

Jonny had been ready and waiting for five minutes before Jac came strolling into the peace garden. He took a good look at the mother of his child as she walked towards him; she looked tired and – had she been crying? She had that look about her eyes, a little red, slightly puffy but there were also bags. He knows Emma had been sleeping through the night recently, had that changed? She came and sat next to him on the bench, it was awkward for them to sit next to each other, and it's the closest they had been in the four months since Emma was born. After a few minutes of total silence, Jac spoke.

"Jonny, we really need to talk. So much is happening with Emma now and we can't even manage simple communication. Gorillas manage better than we do." She didn't look at him, but he was looking at her. He had a strange desire to pull her into his arms - he hadn't felt like doing that for months.

"Aye, Jac, we do. I know you've tried to let me know but my phone must be on its way out, I'll have to get a new one." Jac lets out a laugh. He doesn't need to get a new phone; he needs to get rid of Bonnie. "But at the same time, you're not exactly making things easy for me. You refuse to let Emma stay over unless Bonnie is working nights. You try and make me chose between my daughter and my fiancé and I don't like it. When are you going to give into the fact that Bonnie will be in Emma's life whether you like it or not?" Why was he even saying this? He wasn't even sure he was still going to go through with marrying Bonnie. He turned back towards Jac and was astounded to see the tears slowly falling down her cheeks. Jac Naylor was crying! What the hell was going on? "Jac? Jac you're crying, you never cry." He was getting frustrated and a little angry with her now. "Please, for once in your life will you just open up to me!"

"Open up to you? The man who broke my heart and abandoned me whilst I was pregnant with your child. Bonnie Wallis appears and suddenly I don't matter anymore. I know I've hurt you in the past but we had got over that, you'd forgiven me. Do you remember the day we found out about the CDH? One of the first things you asked about was a termination. _You_ were so quick to think about ending our daughters' life. Yes, I know, I went to the clinic, I was hurt, I was in pain, I thought I wouldn't be able to cope, but I didn't go through with it because I loved that baby. I loved her from the moment I found out about her. I was prepared to let you in, prepared to let my shield down; I gave you the keys to my flat. _You_ were the one that suggested we move into together and I gave you my keys, and what did you do? You accepted them and then went changed your mind and gave them back. That nurse showed up and you two were throwing snide comments my way when you thought I weren't listening. I was so jealous Jonny, jealous of her. She made you so happy and I couldn't. She came along and you no longer had time or even cared for me. I had to take a week off and you barely even noticed. I was ill Jonny; I was rushed in with severe dehydration and heavy bleeding. I called you, I wanted and needed you with me, but you were too busy getting pissed out your skull with her to answer my calls. In the end I didn't bother, I stopped trying once I knew me and my daughter were going to be fine. I stayed with Elliot for that week because on one – including me – wanted me to be alone. You just didn't care Jonny… you didn't care…"

She was full blown sobbing now, she didn't know what was wrong with her today, and she had never been this emotional. She moved away from him and leant against a tree. The only person she had ever fully broken down in front of was Elliot. When Michael had saved her from septic shock a few years ago, she had cried through physical and emotional pain, but never to this scale. Jonny stared as her in disbelief. She was opening up. She was actually opening up and he was angry, but only slightly angry with Jac. He was far angrier at himself and at Bonnie. He had been so busy with Bonnie that he hadn't realised Jac had needed him. She was right, though, he had abandoned her for Bonnie. He can remember now the hurt in her eyes when he walked into her office and laid the keys back down one her desk. He'd left her sitting there staring at the keys and walked off to take Bonnie to the pub, and that's when it all went wrong.

"Jac, I… I'm sorry. I didn't know… anything. You made it so difficult. You should have just told me. You never open up to anyone. You say I wanted you to have a termination but you're wrong. Just remember that I went after you, I tried to stop you, and I thought I was too late and I crumbled thinking mu daughter was gone. Bonnie was an old friend from university who I'd lost touch with until the day she turned upon Darwin. She was new on the ward and you made life so difficult for her, it was as though you hated her from the off. You don't realise but she was my support. She helped me deal with knowing my daughter, my wee girl, could die the moment she was born. She was there from the moment she knew what was going on. You say you loved Emma from the beginning but where were you when she was born? She was fighting for her life and you were nowhere. Those first few weeks you weren't there but Bonnie was. She-" He cut himself off. Why did he say that? He had just thrown what had to have been one of the hardest times of her life back in her face. He had to stop this. He had to take his words back. "Jac I'm –"

"How dare you?" she was angry. She moved in front of Jonny so she could shout directly in his face. "When you left me alone on that table after my baby had to be cut out of me, I haemorrhaged. I had to have three blood transfusions in twenty-four hours where I lost so much blood. I was bed-bound for nearly a week but as soon as I was told I was well enough, I started expressing milk for her, so she could be as strong as possible. I didn't want to hinder her recovery by getting in the way. I couldn't bond with her Jonny. She was in that plastic box and I couldn't bond with my baby girl. You say Bonnie was your support but I needed you. Yes, I had Elliot, Sacha and Michael but I didn't want them, I wanted and needed you. But you weren't there Jonny. You know why I was so distant? The stress of everything and her being so ill caused me to have post-natal depression. I've been undergoing counselling for it so I can avoid taking yet more medication for my already screwed up body. I have blamed myself for Emma being so ill, did you know that? And I couldn't let myself become so close to someone else I knew I could lose. Do you remember when I ran away when we were allowed to hold Emma for the first time? I was terrified Jonny, I was terrified of getting close to her to have her snatched away from me. Then, when Sacha finally made me realise that I needed to, I walk in there to find that you had let none other than Bonnie Wallis hold my daughter before me. I have hated you and her for taking that away from me. You have no idea how much you hurt me by doing that, and I will never forgive you for it. Emma had only recognised me as her mother since she came home from NICU and I've been able to keep Bonnie away from her. Do you have any idea what it is like knowing that your child prefers someone else to you? You go on about _me_ not telling _you_ things? Your pathetic fiancé informed me this morning that you're moving out of Holby after you're married. Did it not occur to you to discuss this with me? I do _not_ want my daughter leaving Holby for weekends at a time, do you understand me? She is under the Paediatric consultants here at Holby until she is of school age. I have just turned down an offer from Hanssen to go on a four week-long conference. I don't want to jeopardise her health by taking her away from Holby for so long. But foolishly I said no for you to. I didn't want to take her away from you for so long either."

Her sobs had subsided and now her tears were full of anger. No matter what happened now, she would never be able to trust Jonny again. Having gone through and finally shouted everything out, she couldn't believe she still loved him. He was still staring stupidly at her. He had no idea what she had been feeling for all these months – and he had made it ten times worse. He didn't know the milk he had been feeding Emma was breast milk. She never told him. He felt so disgusted with himself for what he'd been putting her through. He had no idea what him being with Bonnie had done to her. _Bonnie_. What the hell does she think gave her the right to tell Jac they're moving? They hadn't even discussed it. She had made things so much worse by opening her big stupid mouth. But right now he had to explain this to Jac.

"Jac. Please, calm down. Me and Bonnie are not moving out of Holby. I wouldn't dream of taking Emma away from here either, okay? I don't know why Bonnie would tell you that when it isn't true. Honestly Jac, right now, I don't even want Bonnie in my life. I just want things sorted out. I want to make things right."

"It's too late, Nurse Maconie. It's far too late. You're due back on Darwin, and if you want to keep your job so you can support your wife to be, I'd be back up there in two minutes before an official complaint is made against you."

She left him standing there. So he didn't want to marry Bonnie now? That's fine by her, but he had caused her far too much heart-ache now. She didn't want to be near him anymore, it was too much… she'd have to try and do something…


	7. Chapter 7

Once Jac has reached the safety of her office, she was able to really think about what she wanted. She wanted Jonny – but that was never going to happen. Not now. He'd caused her too much pain. She wanted Emma to spend more alone, bonding time with her father - but that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon. She wanted to not be reminded everyday of what she'd lost. She needed to find a way of not being around the 'now not so happy at the moment' couple, and, after a few minutes, she thought she might have found a way. Picking up the hand set to the phone on her desk, she keyed in the extension to the Director of Nursing. After an intense fifteen minute phone call, she managed to arrange for both Jonny and Bonnies shifts to be changed so they will virtually never be working the same time she was - unless they or she were working a double or were covering. She had first demanded for them both to be transferred to different wards, but that had been shot down almost instantly. Jonny was far too valuable to the Darwin team as Transplant Co-ordinator. The application for Bonnies transfer was also denied; apparently 'I just don't like her' was not sufficient enough reason. It wasn't what she had originally wanted, but it was better than nothing; at least she no longer had to work with either of them.

Elliot had entered whilst she was on the phone. Eating his lunch at his desk, he tried not to listen into her heated conversation. By the snippets he couldn't block out, he gathered Nurse Jonathon Maconie had finally said or done something to make Jac snap. When the phone call had ended, he heard her sigh. Sneaking a quick look at her, he saw that she was leaning back in her chair, gazing at the photo of Emma on her desk. Although he knew better than to ask her, his need to know if she was alright overruled.

"Jac… Is everything, um, okay?" He was a grown man! A Professor, a surgeon and head of a department yet he acted as though he was Oliver Twist asking for more.

Jac looked over at the Professor. He was like a timid child when he asked her the question. She hated displaying her feelings; it made her vulnerable. Opening up to Jonny twenty minutes ago was the worst thing she could have done, to her; she had made herself seem weak. Despite this, she felt that it was best to fill the Professor in.

"Jonny and I had a shouting match in the peace garden. Or rather, he spoke and I shouted. He said some things which are unforgivable. He accused me of not caring when Emma was born. He tried to tell me that I had to get over myself and accept that Bonnie will be a part of Emma's life. I told him that I was ill both at the end of my pregnancy and after Emma were born and he couldn't care less. I wanted them both off this ward but the Director of Nursing said no, something about him being too important and such. I've had to settle for just having their shifts changed so I don't have to physically work with them anymore. I just can't take it all anymore Elliot…"

"I guessed things weren't going brilliantly, and if you feel that this is what you need, I will support you if either of them appeal against the change. How is the counselling going?"

Jac sighed as she contemplated her answer. "Counselling is as counselling goes. I feel better; I no longer believe that Emma being so ill was my fault, so that's a bonus. I'm not classed as depressed anymore so my sessions are now fortnightly and are due to change to monthly. I'm just concerned that all this with Jonny is going to cause me to revert back – and I don't want that"

He nodded to her but didn't speak. He felt sorry for his friend; she'd been through so much in her life already without all the added extras. The counselling must be helping her if she's opening up to him willingly. He observed as the consultant stood up and straightened her scrubs. His eyes followed her as she made her way around her desk and stood in front of his.

"I really so appreciate what you've done for me today, Elliot. I needed that time to try and sort everything out. Now, I think it's time I took back control of my patients, God knows what you've been doing with them." She smiled slightly at him and she held out of hand. That was the Jac Naylor he knew and loved, and he was glad at her reappearance. He rummaged through the files on his desk, and once locating and extracting them from under his lunch, handed them to her. "Ugh, I really need to get back round to adding all these to the digital system. I hate having to carry round this stack." As she left the room, Elliot hoped that Jonny would keep his distance from her for the rest of the day - he didn't want her to deal with any more stress today. He got up from his desk and headed to the door. Taking a look outside, he could see Jac was already busy with one of her patients. He scanned the ward and thankfully could see no sign of the Scottish nurse but he did catch sight of Mo at the nurses' station. Catching her eye, he motioned for her to join him in the office. She was settled in Jacs chair no more than thirty seconds later.

"So, Prof, what do you want? As much as I love getting off my feet for five minutes, I know you need something."

"Alas, there is indeed something I need to discuss with you. I'm afraid young Jonathon has over-stepped the mark with Jac and he's pushed her too far. She has arranged for his shifts to be changed and he'll now be working opposite shifts to her, as will Bonnie."

"What the hell has he done?" Mo sat there stunned. She knew he and Jac were having problems, but she didn't think they were bad enough for Jac to arrange for not just Bonnie, but _Jonny_ to be put on different shifts.

"Jonny said some things to Jac, she didn't elaborate much but she did say that he made it clear to her that Bonnie will be a part of Emma's life." Mo looked at Elliot slightly confused. Was that all he had said?

"That doesn't exactly warrant a major disruption to the Darwin rota. If that's all that was said then I think that's a big overreaction on Jac's part."

Elliot sighed. "I would agree but that's _not_ all he said. Jonny accused her of not caring when Emma was born. Now Mo, you, I and Sacha know just how ill she was, no one should blame her for that. She also said that she'd told him about being unwell before Emma was born, do you remember that?"

"Remember? I was the one that found her lying in a pool of her own blood in the ladies. Every time she's a bit off colour I think back to that day…"

"Of course, sorry, well, she told him about being ill before and after Emma's birth and apparently he couldn't care less. No doubt, within the next hour, Jonathon and Bonnie will be told of their shift changes. I imagine neither will be particularly happy, but I want you to keep him away from Jac. She needs no more stress from him. I know that because you and he are close that you'll have loyalty to him but, with everything that's been going on, he's really put his foot in it this time."

"He may be by best friend but he's been out of line. How dare he? He's changed Elliot. Since Bonnie arrived he's been different. He's stopped caring as much about people. Sometimes I think he's trapped but then he say something stupid and then I just don't know what to believe. I'll keep him away from Jac and then we two are going to have one hell of a talk. See you late Prof."

Mo left Elliot sitting at his desk. Whilst he finished his lunch, she went back to the nurses' station. Out the corner of her eye, she could see Jonny talking to one of the nurses. She couldn't hear the conversation but he soon left the ward; her best bet was to go to the Director of Nursing.


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: So sorry for the wait! I've now got three fanfics for three different shows on the go and it's a lot harder to do than I thought. Plus I've been suffering from writers block and general lack of imagination. Anyhow, I will try to update more frequently but as I only get to write of an evening, updates may be few and far between!_**

**_A/N-P2: I'm aware that characters may be a little out of place but... just go with? Please... for the sake of my sanity._**

* * *

Jonny had barely reached the administrative floor of the hospital before Bonnie came walking along the far end of the corridor. Jonny was angry with her for what she'd said about and to Jac, and the fact that she'd gone behind his back to do it. She may be his fiancée but when it came to his daughter, he was the only one that gets to discuss her welfare with Jac. Jac's revelations today had been unexpected and it was because of Bonnie that he'd been in the dark for so long. He didn't want to be anywhere near her but yet, here she was, strolling towards him with not a care in the world. He didn't know why she was up here when she was supposed to be down on AAU. Did she _always_ have to bed around him? Would he ever be allowed a moment to himself? Bonnie was looking at him now, smiling brightly with no clue that Jonny didn't want to be anywhere near her at the moment, nevertheless, he forced a smile to his face before speaking to her.

"What are you doing up here, Bonnie? Does Sacha know you've left the ward?" He wasn't happy and his voice was strained but if she noticed, she didn't mention it.

"Jonny, of course Sacha knows, he was the one that sent me up here. He said that the Director of Nursing needed to speak to me and that I needed to come up here immediately. What are _you_ doing up here?" she eyed him suspiciously before she added. "Are you planning something Maconie?"

"What? No! I was told that the Director of Nursing needed to speak to me as soon as possible. I guess she needs to speak to both of us about the same thing, otherwise why would we both be here at the same time?" He had a bad feeling about the discussion that was going to take place soon. He didn't have much time to think about it as Collette Sheridan, the current Director of Nursing, was looking stony faced and thoroughly pissed off.

"In, now." She snapped at the both of them, causing them to exchange a nervous glance before entering the office, closing the door behind them and sitting down.

"Right. I want to make this as quick as possible so I don't want any interruptions, got it?" The two nurses nodded before Collette continued. "It has been brought to my attention that Ms Naylor is having some difficulties you two on Darwin ward, because of this I have had to change the Darwin rota so that the three of you don't work the same shifts affective from next week. I understand that this may cause some conflict as it means you will now not be working the shifts you've become accustomed to but it's the best I could do. You're lucky, Naylor originally wanted you both off the ward completely but there was no way I was authorising that; Jonny the whole reason you have your job is because you're part of the _Darwin_ transplant team. She's made it clear she doesn't want to work with either of you and unfortunately, because she's one of the best surgeons, not only in this hospital, but the country, I've been forced to agree with her but to an extent. Do _not_ cause any more trouble. I don't care what's been going on between the three of you, but keep it at home and off the wards, do I make myself clear? I want you both back to work and stay away from Ms Naylor unless it's unavoidable, understand? I'll have your new rotas delivered to you by the end of the day." She stood and waited for them to leave her office before heading back down the Keller.

Bonnie and Jonny were gobsmacked. They had listened to what Collette had said but neither really processed it until they were standing in the corridor outside the now vacant office. Jonny was shocked, a little hurt but not unsurprised. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Jac snapped and took matters into her own hands, and he couldn't blame her. Both he and Bonnie and been acting something terrible towards the consultant over recent months and he didn't blame Jac one bit for how she was reacting. No, he was just going to go along with it, not say a word and try to figure out a way to make it up to Jac in the future. Bonnie, however, was furious. It was bad enough that Elliot had threatened her with something very similar that very morning, but now Jac Naylor had used her power to try and remove her from Darwin? What had she done now? She hadn't even seen Naylor since the morning so what had happened? Had _Jonny_ done something? Had he screwed up so badly that she now had to pay the price? Hell no! She wasn't going to stand for this. Before she could even think about finding Jac, Jonny warned her away.

"Bonnie, you better stay away from Jac. I know you and you'll make a scene, cause a fight and Darwin doesn't need that."

"What the hell, Jonny? You really expect me to stay quiet now? I'm fed up with her bossing us around! She's jealous because we're in love and she's making our lives a living hell and I won't stand for it any longer! But what I want to know is what the hell have you done to make her do this today?"

Jonny was really angry now. "Me? What makes you believe it's something _I've_ done? She told me you said this morning, about us leaving Holby. We haven't discussed this, Bonnie, haven't discussed ANYTHING to do with moving. What do you think gives you the right to go making decisions ON YOUR OWN and then go voicing them to Jac?"

"We're getting married, Jonny" Bonnie said matter-of-factly. "Yes, I admit that _maybe_ I should have actually talked to you, but I have as much a right to go making decisions as y–"

"Not when it involves how much time I will get to spend with my daughter."

"Of come on Jonny, do you really expect me to believe that this is only about Emma?" Bonnie wasn't looking so angry anymore… it was almost as though she was desperate… but desperate for what?

Jonny was confused. Very confused. "What do you mean? Of course this is about Emma. Who else would it bloody be about?"

There were tears in Bonnie's eyes now. "We both know that the whole reason you're fighting this is because it would mean you wouldn't see Jac anymore. If we moved to different hospitals and out of Holby, you would only see her to hand over Emma. I see it in you, Jonny. There's still a part of you that loves her and I don't like it. Can't you see that moving away from here will be better all round?"

"She's the mother of my child and I will always feel something for her because she's part of my daughter. How dare you try and decide who I can or cannot see on a day to say basis. I… I can't do this right now. We have to get back to the wards, and you need to remember you have to return to Darwin for your double." He turned round and stormed towards the elevator, not looking back as she screamed to him.

"What do you mean you can't do this right now? Jonny! Don't walk away from me!"

* * *

Mo watched as Jonny stepped off the elevator and stormed towards the staff room. Glancing round to see if Jac was still with her patient, Mo hurried to join her friend.

"Hey, Jonny Mac, what's going on?"

"Not now Mo. Not now. Where's Jac?"

"With bed five, why?"

Jonny stuck his head out the staff room door and looked to bed five. He found himself staring straight into the eyes of the fiery consultant. He knew he must have looked angry but once he saw her expression, his features softened. She had a strange look in her eyes, one he couldn't place, either because he's never seen it before or because she had never been capable of showing it before. The look was a pure mixture of hurt, regret and guilt all mixed into one. He gave Jac the slightest hint of a nod before retreating back into the staff room.

"Mo, not now, later. We'll talk at the pub. This is all too much, far too much." On that note, left the staff room to return to his duties, leaving Mo standing there feeling sorry for her friend.


End file.
